Beach Pics: Hudgens vs. Lima

In this corner, we have Sneakernight‘s personal mascot Vanessa Hudgens.

And in this corner, we have Victoria Secret‘s model/inhumanly impossible looking Adriana Lima.

Sneakernight takes a tumble this round. Lima‘s no hold barred approach won the day. Her winning prize is a prize for us all–its SNL own’s Taran Killam re-enacting Robyn‘s video for ‘Call Your Girlfriend‘.

Hispanic Hump Day-The Hardest Working Hispanic In The Business

This is a special Hispanic Hump Day because it’s a Hispanic we all know all too well, Mario Lopez!!!! I know he makes us all cringe on Extra, but he’s great eye candy.

He just put Mark Wahlberg to shame in the above photo.

He put Ellen to shame today on her own show! I’m sure Portia De Rossi decided to be bi-sexual for the day!

Look at that bulge!

This is his underwear line, he needed to design a special carriage for his package. I feel his pain, I know men who are well endowed and the regular underwear just don’t do them justice! Okay, I’ve said too much.

Thanks Mario for the double vision, it’s clearly not enough to just have one photo of you, I need two…of the SAME one.

I love and hate Mario at the same time, but he’s a good face for Hispanics. Truth Talk.

Yeah, I said it, TRUTH!

Model/Actors & Actor/Models: Michele/Lutz Edition

I’m not here to tell you how you should feel about Lea Michele. Everyone has their own personal, individual feelings about Lea Michele–be it love or inflamed anger and annoyance at her continued existence and public platform. Also, her her interviews. Also, her singing. Also, the face she’s making in the above picture.

Hot button issue Lea Michele is now a model for Candies. Candies being the company that used to like doing ad campaigns with painfully attractive women, until they got smart and started to change their tactics to all the “Bella Swan” demographic out there–regular gals who are doted upon and fantastized about by fictional men for no discernible reason. Nice move, Candies–get that money!

"Does this dress make me look intolerable?"

Anyway, Lea Michele is an actress who is now modeling–which is the opposite of Kellan Lutz, who started as a model but now acts (to the best of his ability).

Kellan, recently shot a campaign with model Kate Upton for Dylan George.

Lutz and Upton take a quick break from discussing nuclear fusion to pose.

Actors are models and models are actors! Crazy! You know what’s also crazy? One of the promos for Telemundo‘s new show “Relaciones Peligrosas”. I don’t know what they’re saying, but I think we all get the gist.

Shit, this one too!

I found one with subtitles!

This post got away from me.
Blogging Dangerously 2012.

Demi Moore Treated for Substance Abuse And Anorexia

Demi Moore was hospitalized for “exhaustion” on Monday night after 911 was called to her home. Her publicist put out this statement:

“Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends.”

Demi looks a bit exhausted, but I think that’s due to malnutrition. Girl knows she’s thin too because she was quoted in an interview with Harper’s Bazaar,

“I sit today in a place of greater acceptance of my body and that includes not just my weight but all of the things that come with your changing body as you age to now experiencing my body as extremely thin.”

She added:
“Thin in a way that I never imagined somebody would be saying to me, “You’re too thin, and you don’t look good”.”

Call me LA jaded, but I think she kind of looks good here with Rumer Willis.

Just don’t look at her legs!

Ashley Tisdale: A Dissertation

For one moment, imagine Ashley Tisdale, the 26-year-old, occasionally brunette actress primarily known for the High School Musical trio of films and looking like that girl who sat in front of you in geometry. What comes to mind when you think of her?

No, dude–that’s Zac Efron. I mean Ashley Tisdale! The other one! The one who tried her hand at a solo singing career!

NO! That’s Vanessa Hudgens! Ashley Tisdale knows better than to wear a panama hat to party!
(Sorry–that’s about all the shit-talking I can do on Vanessa Hudgens. She looks like all my girl cousins rolled up into one mecha-cousin, so she gets off easy).
((Also, this video is unintentionally (?) hilarious. It’s just a giant commercial for Ecko shoes. There’s giant neon pink laces at a certain point and Vanessa has the most awkward laughing outro you’ve heard in your life.))

Back to Ashley Tisdale.

Yeah, her! You did it! Anyway, Ashley iz SeXxXy and edgy now seriously 4 realz, u guise. She tweeted some pics of her dancing it up last night!

Did you guys know the working product name for Instgram was DoucheTracker 3000?

Anyway, my entire point about Ashley Tisdale is that she is basically a lesser version of Paige Michalchuk from “Degrassi: The Next Generation“.

Paige glides through the halls at Degrassi, knowing shes going to Banting!

I know Paige is a fictional character portrayed by Lauren Collins–who incidentially starred with Ashley Tisdale in a High School Musical spin-off called “Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure“. SEE?! FULL CIRCLE!
Anyway, here’s Ashley and some tall guy with a tragic tattoo she’s dating now.

See?! See how edgy she is now?! Him, too! He picked up that gray cable knit from a Gap Outlet, no doubt! Tuff Stuff USA in the house.

Lazy Sunday

There’s nothing like kicking back (with alcohol) on a lazy Sunday. We covered a lot this week on L.A. Rag Mag, and it’s high time for a mind dump of a post to clear the way for some Sunday relaxing and family time. Here’s some random stories and some random thoughts…

Melon smuggler/Seminal Voice of Our Era Katy Perry has been doing what I can only imagine are risque (read: tepid) acts on tour while overseas. It seems for the past couple shows she’s been drawing a male fan on stage and making him take off his shirt while she seranades him. Sources are unclear if this is raw footage for “Hostel 3″.

Comedian Todd Glass, who has been seen on pretty every late night talk show as well as the 2nd and 3rd seasons of NBC’s Last Comic Standing, outed himself on WTF Podcast with Marc Maron earlier this week. Glass, who also has his own podcast, The Todd Glass Show, was motivated to reveal his sexuality in response to the rash of LGBT suicides. Said Glass, “I cannot listen to stories about kids killing themselves any longer and not [think], ‘When are you going to have a little blood on your shirt for not being honest about who you are?”

Cool, dude. I can’t wait to hear your new material, it’s going to be hilarious now that there’s a huge facet of who you are you’ll be able to talk about. Congrats to Mr. Glass.

And thanks to funnyordie.com for introducing me to my favorite Deschanel sibling, Jooey.

Netflix streaming is calling me, so I gotta close it out. And if you’re reading this on Monday morning? At least we’ll always have the memories.

Seal: Once Again A Greying Tower Alone By The Sea

Because, Heidi Klum (a.k.a. Seal‘s “light on the dark side of me”) and he are splitting on up! Insiders are reporting that there is no word on whether love remains a drug that’s the high and not the pill.
So, I hope Seal is ready for when it snows, because his eyes will still become large but Heidi won’t be shining a light that can be seen! Well, she probably will, but that will be directed towards 25-year-old models.

Coming attractions to Heidi Klum's vagina.

Whatever, he’ll be dating a boatload of models in about five seconds as well. This is how it goes in Hollywood. They’ll both be screaming about how in totally-super-crazy-in-love they are with other people in 3-5 months. They heal quickly in Hollywood, folks! And she’ll get a book deal to write about what a difficult week-and-a-half it was before she found love again. AND PILATES!

So, let’s pre-emptively congratulate Heidi on her number one best-seller!
That’s called ending it on a positive note! BOOM.

WE GET IT, TIM!

Photos of Johnny Depp in character as Barnabas Collins in the Tim Burton-helmed “re-imagining” of Dark Shadows emerged today. This photo clearly shows us Burton’s vision of Depp in ways never before conceived! Pale, ashen skin, dark-rimmed eyes, sharp appendages–an overall creepy vibe. Such a divergence from their usual pairings!

And who could forget…?

…oh, shit. That’s Siouxie Sioux! Sorry, Siouxie! Kiss them for me!

Legend Etta James Dead at 73

Singing legend, Etta James, has passed away of leukemia at the age of 73. She would have been 74 on Wednesday. She was diagnosed with leukemia in 2010, and also suffered from dementia and hepatitis C. She died in Riverside with her husband Artis Mills, her sons and her manager Lupe De Leon.

Let’s remember Miss Peaches like the amazing signing legend she was!

Sorry About Hispanic Hump Day!

You know how it is living in Los Angeles. You go to mail some letters and do a quick Trader Joe’s run and suddenly you’re in Reseda, a solid 5 hours from town, accounting for traffic. I apologize. Next week’s Hispanic Hump Day will come with a change of pants, it’ll be so epic. Trust me, hispanics are projected to become the majority by 2030, so it’s best to be hot for them now. We’re ahead of the curve here on L.A. Rag Mag. Except when we skip a post!

Pictures88.com | Sorry | Forward this Picture

To make up for it, I’d like to branch out a little. We showcase a lot of models and actors, and that’s great but 2012 is the year of the Apocalypse, so my tastes are skewing darker. Shit’s for real–I might even start a journal with “DARK ENTRIES” embossed on the front. When the apocalypse hits, as lovely as Nous Models are, they’re all going down. Not one will live. They don’t have the body fat or the smarts. TRUTH TALK!

Enter: Andy LaPlegua–the guy behind about 56,385 aggrotech, EBM, darkwave, etc. etc. etc. bands like Icon of Coil, Combichrist, Panzer AG and Scandinavian Cock.

Cigarettes pair great with slutblood and Jack!

I know just what you’re thinking. Do I break out my mace or my diaphragm? (sorry if you don’t have a diaphragm–I’m assuming you got where I was headed.)
Now this is a guy who would make the hunger-mad last vestiges of humanity stop in their tracks before trying to murder me for consumption.

Andy reflects on using bows and arrows to kill the zombie horde. SWOON!

And I’m betting when we finally find an island Utopia where the mass hordes, zombies and insane secret government agents attempting some sort of last-ditch control of the situation have left us behind–I can take some time to find his soft side.

My point summarized? UNNF. I gotta close this out now with a video before I get the vapors. Andy doesn’t like ‘em weak, I’m assumming. DREAMBOAT! Here’s the clean version of Combichrist’s “Throat Full of Glass”. Search for it on vimeo if you want the uncensored version that has titties?

…Yeah, I thought this would do.