Can you believe at 28 Jessica’s overcome herpes, marriage, and having a baby with a body that still looks this good?! I know! I don’t think she’s talented either but her genes are a triple threat, just look at how bad Cash looks next to her. Your eyes just skip right over him like a Where’s Waldo? book. Jessica knows that her body and affability are the only things booking her work, so she popped out that honor and got right back to rice cakes!

Attention Hollywood, this photo is not retouched! Jessica Alba is ready to do more phenomenal movies like The Eye, please send all crappy scripts that are holding up your writer’s desk to her people. Just last year she shot two murder mysteries, which you know we all run to see her in, titled An Invisible Sign of My Own, and The Killer Inside Me.

Luckily, she’ll be also making us laugh with Taylor Lautner, Anne Hathaway, and others in Valentine’s Day this Feb. 14th!

Jack finally found the one smoking section left in the world….the ocean.

See what happens when you flush your cigarette butts down the toilet?! They travel into the ocean and the sea life end up eating them and getting hooked. It’s sad really.

Jack’s actually got some mad skills. Do you know how hard it is to float and smoke without a rafty? Ask Lynn. He should come to the Viceroy they have yellow floaties here. It’s a lot better than swimming with some cig butts in the freezing ocean off his yacht in France.

Viceroy Palm Springs from on Vimeo.

Since pulling up to our hidden oasis at the Viceroy Palm Springs, unknowing what kind of room we’d find, the following events have occurred:

- We gay gasped over our dream suite, in the above MUST SEE video, because it looks eerily like our bedroom.

- Everybody here looks like somebody, which means I should probably mind how intoxicated Lynn gets in public.

We ran here because we had to escape the ups and downs of a Hollywood, the twist and turns were making us nauseous with negativity. Or if could have been prescriptions mixing again. So it’s a quick break before we go home and do The Adam Carolla Podcast on Tuesday. We don’t know when it will air, or what we’ll talk about, but Adam likes it better that way.

We’re off to spend $25 on a burger and fries! Yeah eat your sadness.

Wish you were here. More rag, less brag in the morning.

Our Lara Spencer over at The Insider has the first look at Michael’s collaboration with Ed Hardy designer Christian Audigier and we had to see why he would take a break from world domination. Some of the designs look tour worthy while others like the full red suit, seemed a little like Jessica Rabbit with a fedora.

We’d bet our dog/child’s life that he will release some Michael Jackson inspired line to us soon and Jon Gosselin his biggest billboard for the advertising campaign. I saw Michael Jackson lighters for sale at the AM/PM yesterday and I almost puked on the cashier form disgust.

I would never buy a MJ lighter because I don’t want to light my smokes with a dead guy!

So I asked the guy if he had any Farrah Fawcett lighters.

YES! I’d just have Batman Begins (not American Pyscho!) on as porn in the background and imagine him that way.

Umm Christian? Could you move your ugly body so I can see you with a hot one…that’s better.

Chrisitan Bale is on the Tracy Gold diet once more for a role an an addicted boxer..