“To pee when I really have to go!” – Larry David

“I need to get back into the gym. I’m all for having boobs against my chest but not when they’re mine.” Rocker John Mayer is planning a post-Jennifer work out regime.

“Just to let go of the things in the past and accept those things that are new,” Usher told Access Hollywood. Slash he’s ready to start boinking other women in public now.

“Stop being such a workout addict. It’s getting to be like 6 hours a day now,” -HIMYM’s Jason Segal

“When you make movies you travel all over the world and don’t get to see the people you love as much as you would like. My resolution is to make time to see them more. They are what’s really important in this world.”- James Franco

“I think my New Year’s resolution is just to stay positive and enjoy the moment.” – Says Newly single Adam Glambert

We all sat around our families living room in a circle, which we call “The Truth Circle” and exposed what the one thing we wanted to change in 2010 was. Everyone in the family knows what the one thing you should change about yourself is, so really it was a test to see if YOU knew what was wrong with you.

I’m happy to report that everyone in my family knows exactly what their main issue is. No secrets here.

Alex: I’m going to destress with yoga and working out because I’m kind of a bitch when I don’t move.

Lynn: I want to quit smoking through hypnosis, and that laser eye treatment where they deaden the receptors to your brain with that laser thing.

Alex: What!?

I’m starting to think I’d want to hit that, but I’m afraid Chris Brown will hit back. If it’s a donkey punch I think I’ll be ok. Chris recently ripped his shirt off during a concert at the Nokia theater, probably just to hear a girl scream in a positive way. I can girl scream too Chris…EEEKK!

BOOB-MATIZED – LOOK INTO HER BOOBS & HIRE HER! (Site NSFW)

Is Marc Jacobs Married?

Who Doesn’t Belong In This Picture?

The Best & Worst Movie Of 2009 According To Ohlala

SUBWAY HUMP – A Show On The Ride Home

Is This Rosie’s New Woman!? She looks like my old boss Karen.

UP IN SMOKE – The Best Weed Of 2009

CAN YOU NAME THE ONE HIT WONDER? – Still Hot, Still Needs A Hit

Need I say more, or are you guys still totally buying this PR produced relationship to hide Taylor’s gay eyes and uber queer smile? The reason you ask?

“He liked her more than she liked him,” the source tells Us. “He went everywhere he could to see her, but she didn’t travel much to see him.”

After three months of dating, country singer Taylor Swift and New Moon star Taylor Lautner have split.

Slash, Taylor didn’t need another girlfriend following her around. What will Taylor Lautner do now that he’s swinging single? Don’t worry you’ll be given an updated report every week, as his team maneuver his love life for press. We’ll all watch as he ends up on the “Most Eligible Bachelors” list, and have to endure surface interview after interview about what he likes in a girl. Do you think they announced it over the holidays by coincidence? His team want to start the new year with a clean slate.

Get ready for the onslaught.

We all know what she’s thinking in this photo, “I’m RICH! BITCH!”

If he had been able to sleep with all his roadies, instead of marrying his high school sweetheart just so he could finally cum, we might have had a chance. But we can still hold out hope that like every other celibate rock star, once Kevin puts his pick in Danielle Deleasa’s guitar it’ll all be over. They’ve already been married almost a month so sex should be getting boring….right about…..NOW!

Selling the exclusive to People is one thing, but Kevin confusing us by actually appearing do-able for once, makes us question our boycrush on Nick.

The winner of America’s Next Top Talk Show….. isn’t Tyra.

Tyra’s two time Emmy award winning show, that we were once on for the blink of a Hollywood eye, is over this spring. But Tyra’s people keep spinning it like it’s a good thing! Saying she “quit” her show instead of saying it wasn’t doing well, and promising us bigger things for Tyra’s future.

“This will be the last season of The Tyra Show,” Banks tells PEOPLE exclusively. “I’ve been loving having fun, coming into your living rooms, bedrooms, hair salons for the past 5 years.”

Wrapping at the end of its fifth season in the spring of 2010, it will be lights out for the show that brought viewers memorable weave-exposing, cellulite-revealing and tear-jerking moments.

We knew it was over when we turned it on one day and saw Gay Exorcisms done by Christian parents on their hardcore homo Jeffrey. Tyra could never choose which road she wanted to travel, the high road with Oprah or the low road with Springer.

In the end her audience was confused too.