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The Riddler Strikes Elisabetta Canalis!

January 31, 2012 by

WAIT. WHAT?

Is the Riddler in the upcoming Batman movie? Is this advance promotion? Is he riddling our mind with images with no real answer to ensure we’ll pay to see it in Imax? I don’t know!

To help clarify things as they stand now, it appears that Elisabetta Canalis, one of George Clooney’s ex-girlfriends, has moved onto Steve-O of Jackass fame. That sentence I typed is intended to be read no sense or humor or sarcasm.

The Italian actress (?), 33, confirmed she was seeing Steve-O, whose real name is Steven Glover.

My work is complete! FYI, IMAX tickets are on sale as early as March!

So…uh…yeah, I don’t what to do anymore. Here’s former Hispanic Hump Day recipient, Aaron Diaz singing a song! Because I don’t know what else to put!

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Nicki Minaj And Madonna Will Probably Kiss At The Half Time Show

January 31, 2012 by


It’s true. First there was Brittany and Christina, oh wait, Xtina and now Nicki Minaj. Madonna loves to make America uncomfortable, because she’s British. I mean wishes she was British. So as the countdown begins to America’s favorite sport holiday, more and more to being revealed. Nicki Minaj confirmed the collaboration through her twitter.

I honestly hope there’s some scandalous lesi moment with Madonna and Nicki, whether it’s a kiss or a butt grab.


Who wouldn’t want to grab that! Surprise us Madonna and grab it….and kiss her!

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The Girl With The Hipster Boyfriend

January 29, 2012 by

After legally downloading all of Avril Levigne's ouevre, Rooney Mara could never go back to the girl she was before.



Oscar-nominee for the David Fincher English-language remake of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Rooney Mara jetted off to Tokyo this weekend. Fucking Rooney Mara. Before David Fincher and Sony got their hooks into this broad, she was born and raised as New York elite. Her great-grandfather, Tim Mara, founded the New York Giants and her other great-grandfather, Art Rooney, Sr., founded the Pittsburgh Steelers. Also, being named after two old men is about as upper crust white girl as it gets. But now she’s EDGY!!!!!!!!!!

No one understands me. Except maybe Gloria Vanderbilt.

I haven’t seen the movie, and I’m sure she does a fine job–but when she parades around pretending to have a weirdo relationship with David Fincher and acting like she’s alone on a mountain, it’s god damn annoying. Rooney, you’re dating a hipster, for God’s sake. You’re a Suicide Girl-lite. Calm down.

"Hurry up, babe. I don't want to miss the Cut Copy show!"

Anyway, all this fake goth talk has me hurting for some real goth beauties.

Good thing this darkling came with a fan, because I’m getting hot.

This girl is laying on a grave with roses! C’mon! Where’s her Oscar nomination? <3<3<3

Not to be crass, but if the coffin’s a-rocking, don’t come a-knockin’.

Sorry, Rooney. If it’s any consolation, you were gother than Hayden Christensen in “Life As A House.”

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I Have Mixed Feelings About Katy Perry

January 28, 2012 by

The title of this post says it all, guys. I have mixed feelings about Katy Perry.

Katy Perry: Dean of Womyn's Studies at Sarah Lawrence

When it comes to Katy–
I’m hot THEN
I’m Cold
I’m Yes THEN
I’m No
I’m In THEN
I’m Out
I’m Up THEN…could you guess it?
I’m annoyed. Because I just listened to a whole goddamn Katy Perry song.

My issues with Katy are that for a singer, she’s not very good at it. Also? While it is absolutely her right to sing about any damn thing she (and by she I mean her record label) wants to, when you’re peddling songs to 9 and 10 year old girls about chugging cock and showing off your tits for attention, and how boys love anal–I have full license to hate your guts and blame you the degradation of American youth.

Good luck on your spelling test, Madison! Thanks for coming to the show!

Good luck on your spelling test, Madison! Thanks for coming to the show!

But then she leaves her husband, Russell Brand, to sunbathe with a mexi-goth, and pals around with this hungry-looking Davey Havok wannabe with blue hair acting like she’s edgy, it makes me think of tolerating her slightly more.

This was at her pal, Mark Molinari (seen above) jewelry launch in Las Vegas, which was also attended by Paris Hilton, Christina Milian, David Arquette and Shenae Grimes. Shenae Grimes!

I love Shenae Grimes because she was Darcy Edwards on Degrassi and also this little white girl’s name is SHENAE FUCKING GRIMES. Out there in the world is a black girl named Tiffany Worthington who is just as confused by this as we all are. Darcy got written off doing charity work in Africa when good ol’ Shenae landed 90210 (which is still on TV and damn well will be until Annalynne McCord‘s publicist dies), but they introduced her Jesus-loving sister, Claire Edwards.

Fuck you, Jenna.

Clare is the best! She started off as super nerdy and studious and Jesus-y. She even sang a hymn during lunch! She got pelted with food! Then she dated this dipshit KC who cheated on her with this annoying broad named Jenna who acts like she’s this great fucking songwriter and then only think she’s good at is being ruining everything and leaking breastmilk during math and now Clare is off and on with bi-polar Eli and he’s like kind of goth and into writing plays and drove a hearse until he crashed to prove his love and she got freaked out and called it off and then started seeing this fuckwad white guy whose name I can’t even recall. Steve? Jake? Something white bread. And then her Mom got engaged to white bread’s dad! GROSS! OH! And one time she went with Alli Bhindari to her principal’s house and went into his bedroom and found his wife’s vibrator AND BROUGHT IT TO SCHOOL. WHAT?! CLARE? Anyway, Clare & Eli forever, basically. They’re great. Do you watch Degrassi? Oh, you don’t? You’re not a 10 year old Canadian girl? Got it.

The above paragraph is basically me at parties, just so you know.

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Full Frontal Friday

January 27, 2012 by

It’s Friday and I feel as though some full frontal is in order. I had a great week and I deserve to celebrate…..and you get to reap the benefits. You’re welcome.

Boom.


Double boom. Hair and bulge.

If you care to know these models names, just so you don’t feel like a total perv, up top is Christopher Patrick and below him (that sounded funny) is Jay Byars. Both Nous models, obvi!

I saved the best for last:

I’m going through a phase and tattoos are hot to me right now.


Okay, so maybe I’m going through more of a midlife crisis, because I don’t only think Vinnie’s tattoo is hot, but I think he’s hot too!

I’m turning into a guidette!!!!! The Jersey Shore is my next vacation spot.

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Beach Pics: Hudgens vs. Lima

January 26, 2012 by

In this corner, we have Sneakernight’s personal mascot Vanessa Hudgens.

And in this corner, we have Victoria Secret‘s model/inhumanly impossible looking Adriana Lima.

Sneakernight takes a tumble this round. Lima‘s no hold barred approach won the day. Her winning prize is a prize for us all–its SNL own’s Taran Killam re-enacting Robyn‘s video for ‘Call Your Girlfriend‘.

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Hispanic Hump Day: The Hardest Working Hispanic In The Business

January 25, 2012 by

This is a special Hispanic Hump Day because it’s a Hispanic we all know all too well, Mario Lopez!!!! I know he makes us all cringe on Extra, but he’s great eye candy.

He just put Mark Wahlberg to shame in the above photo.

He put Ellen to shame today on her own show! I’m sure Portia De Rossi decided to be bi-sexual for the day!

Look at that bulge!

This is his underwear line, he needed to design a special carriage for his package. I feel his pain, I know men who are well endowed and the regular underwear just don’t do them justice! Okay, I’ve said too much.

Thanks Mario for the double vision, it’s clearly not enough to just have one photo of you, I need two…of the SAME one.

I love and hate Mario at the same time, but he’s a good face for Hispanics. Truth Talk.

Yeah, I said it, TRUTH!

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Model/Actors & Actor/Models: Michele/Lutz Edition

January 25, 2012 by

I’m not here to tell you how you should feel about Lea Michele. Everyone has their own personal, individual feelings about Lea Michele–be it love or inflamed anger and annoyance at her continued existence and public platform. Also, her her interviews. Also, her singing. Also, the face she’s making in the above picture.

Hot button issue Lea Michele is now a model for Candies. Candies being the company that used to like doing ad campaigns with painfully attractive women, until they got smart and started to change their tactics to all the “Bella Swan” demographic out there–regular gals who are doted upon and fantastized about by fictional men for no discernible reason. Nice move, Candies–get that money!

"Does this dress make me look intolerable?"

Anyway, Lea Michele is an actress who is now modeling–which is the opposite of Kellan Lutz, who started as a model but now acts (to the best of his ability).

Kellan, recently shot a campaign with model Kate Upton for Dylan George.

Lutz and Upton take a quick break from discussing nuclear fusion to pose.

Actors are models and models are actors! Crazy! You know what’s also crazy? One of the promos for Telemundo‘s new show “Relaciones Peligrosas”. I don’t know what they’re saying, but I think we all get the gist.

Shit, this one too!

I found one with subtitles!

This post got away from me.
Blogging Dangerously 2012.

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