“It’s Scott. My ex-boyfriend. Who is now my boyfriend.”- Kourtney said on the Today Show
Today I wake up to all these emails telling me our girl Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant and here are five reason why I’ll be in mourning all day for her.
1. Kourtney is too young to ruin her body with life sucking babies!
2. It’s too perfect. When asked about the pregnancy Khloe said, “You’ll have to watch my show and see!” Oh you didn’t know her show premeires this week? I hate it when I get preggers right when my show is about to premiere. It’s like God is only favoring me when he needs to spread his blessing of fortune around to the little people.
3. Why would she ever have a kid with that preppy asshole of an EX, Scott Disick!? You remember the asshole that cheated on her during seasons 1 and 2? He’s the type of Dad that stays late at the office and shows up to your little girl’s recital smelling like Britney’s Curious perfume.
4. Kourntey’s not famous enough yet to use up her “Baby Press”. Kim I could see but it’s too early for Kourtney’s baby to come out, we’re going to have to incubate this one for a year or two.
5. Did I already say she has a show, Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami, premiering this Saturday on E!? Miami’s not so fun with a Baby Bjorn around your chest.
SAY IT ISN’T SO KOURTNEY!
I’m going to send a big card…a sympathy card.
