Archive for the '2008 Presidential Election' Category
April 9th, 2009
Bristol Palin is a maneating young Republican with a thirst for teenage boys. First she was dating best friend Johnny, but then dumped him in the gutter for Levi. Now that Levi hates her, she’s gone running back into Johnny’s surprisingly open and forgiving arms. What a desperate douche!
Sources say Levi’s damaged daddy press tour is killing Bristol, and the only person she has to cry to is Johnny.
“Johnny feels terrible over what Bristol is going through. He thinks it’s hard enough being a new single mom, and on top of it, she has to cope with a breakup that people the world over are talking about.”
“Levi and Johnny had a big blowup during their sophomore year in high school when Levi and Bristol hooked up while she was still with Johnny. Bristol finally broke it off with Johnny for Levi, which pretty much ruined Johnny and Levi’s friendship.
“Johnny forgave Bristol quickly because he cared for her so much, but it took a long time before he and Levi became tight again.”
Sarah Palin should put a chastity belt on her Jr. babymaker so she’ll stop popping out kids just for one night of sex that makes her feel wanted. OK!?
Honestly, if the Palin’s were smart they’d ignore all this and we wouldn’t care in a month.
A: For about five minutes Tyra tries to get the family to say they wouldn’t vote for Sarah Palin but in the end, like the white trash idiots we all thought they were, Levi admits he’d still vote for Sarah Palin.
L: Is she high in this picture TOO! You think you know someone…
A: Do you smell that? It’s not change, it’s low grade coke at a party in Wilmington, Delaware mixed with baby laxatives! A “friend” of our Vice President’s daughter, Ashley Biden, is shopping a video around to all the rag mag’s of “a girl who looks like Ashley” snorting three lines of cocaine like a vaccum at a party. The video’s on the market for a mere $250,000 so I’m sure we’ll see it soon, but until then let’s not act shocked. Ashley was busted for pot posession in 1999, although daddy got her out of that one and the charges were dismissed.
The video shows a woman, who is represented by the seller and his attorneys to be Biden’s daughter Ashley, snorting several lines of cocaine.
The tape has been viewed by a RadarOnline.com freelance reporter who confirms the woman looks identical to Ashley Biden.
L: So we haven’t even seen stills form the video or any confirmation this is real, at this point. But who here thinks she looks like a totally coke head party chick on the weekends?!
A: It’s probably another evil smear campaign from the Republicans plotted to ruin her image.
L: Oh please!
A: I just checked Fox News and they’re distancing themselves from the story until it’s confirmed, like most media outlets. The solution is simple….daddy can I borrow $250,000 dollars for school stuff?
A: Wanna hear the how the mighty have fallen? That loving familly home Bristol and Levi swore they were going to give their daughter has dissipated into the truth which is…they should have used a condom instead of strapping grandma with another kid to raise. In fact, Grandma has released a statement. L: This is soo trashy, you are NOT a political figure if you’re talking about your daughter’s break up in the press. Bianca (best friend): They’re from Alaska, have you ever met someone from Alaska? A: My friend Leslie’s from Alaska and she’s normal, but she’s also a Democrat in Alaska which is hard to find, if you don’t count the wildlife’s vote. The statement comes after Levi’s sister sold their family feud details to Star Magazine.
“Unfortunately, my family has seen many people say and do many things to `cash in’ on the Palin name,” said the statement, which was issued through the governor’s political action committee. “Sometimes that greed clouds good judgment and the truth.”
A:Levi Johnston held the biggest press conference Alaska’s ever seen his doorstep, telling the AP it’s officially over between the two and they haven’t been together for awhile.
Earth to Levi we all stopped caring when you lost the election. The real victim here is the Democratic Party whom didn’t get to see this family fall apart at the seems inside the White House.
Bianca:The victim here is that poor baby because they weren’t married and their relationship was crappedy crap crap!
L: What if you got pregnant right now?
B: I don’t want to play this game right now. Not even hypothetically.
We want to see photographic evidence of the second coming of Jesus, or in other words Sarah Palin’s new grandson, Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston. Bristol Palin’s new baby’s bidding started at $100,000 but quickly soared after the father, 18 year oldLevi Johnston’s, mother’s OxyCotin related arrested hit the news. Cue the banjo music.
The real question is will the Palin’s keep the money or give it to charity like Brad and Angelina? Devils or Do Gooders?
Rick Warren arrogantly laughs off Ann Curry’s question during their interview and then claims to have a 100 gay friends.
We don’t even have 100 gay friends! Do you have 100 black friends too?
How are we suppose to have hope in Obama when the first thing he does is screw over the gay community with a blatant homophobic pastor to give his prayers. Obama… a man who ran his campaign on hope, diversity, and change. Now asks Pastor Rick Warren to give his inauguration speech and the gays are pissed! We feel betrayed and shut out of the “change” we worked so hard to create and support.
Rick Warren is one of those God fearing pastors that goes around spewing fear tactics to scare his followers into submission. This pastor is a lost lamb in God’s teachings of love and has compared same-sex nuptials to approving polygamy and pedophilia.
Some are asking for Rick Warren to step down, but Obama is not, and now that he got our vote we’re of no use to him anymore.
In the words of our reader Dennis, we just got screwed in the ass by Obama with no KY.
Don’t worry all you red states, Obama’s sister, Maya Soetoro-Ng (scary foreign name - insert here), is here to assure us we made the right choice.
“He may not be a perfect man,” she wrote in the message, which she allowed to be shared with her hometown paper, the Honolulu Advertiser. “Certainly, he has often said that he’ll likely be an imperfect president, but he is a good man, a smart man, a disciplined soul who balances temperance with determination and courage.”
Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe the tour given by Bush to Obama today as a black president entered the white house to stay, and boy is that white house dirty!
If words are worth a thousand words, then the Bush’s are saying sorry for screwing the economy and the country while Obama determinedly steps in to fix their mess.
David Arquette and Courtney were so excited by the outcome of last night’s election they called all their super famous friends and had a way better party than yours!
We poured Prosecco…. they poured Cristal.
Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer, Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher were among those in attendance, and the Cristal was flowing liberally (pardon the pun) as Arquette made the rounds with his guests.
“David was in such a good mood, he walked outside his gate and poured champagne for the paparazzi,” one insider said.
Take a moment and pour some out on the street for prop 8 which we tried to fight together.
We kept hearing change, change, change and so to a gay man that means redecorate, tear that wallpaper down it’s hideous and tired, and paint your walls metallic white!
That’s the message you got too right?
We celebrated our change by redecorating our room with Ralph Lauren metallic paint ( our obsession but it’s not as Liberace as you think) and hanging with Rebecca Cardon and her boyfriend Trey.
As the momentum built and the paint dried we then proceeded to get wasted and celebrate our freedom from government stupidity.
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