The more beautiful half of the holy entity that is Bandgelina, Angelina Jolie, kept it real today at the Narita International Airport by having to deal with childhood sibling incivility. I say she looks rather glamorous dealing with 8 year old Maddox and the 2 years younger, Pax. Too bad Angelina didn’t bring her mass army of Marry Poppins’.

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Could it be that the Mother and Father team of Hollywood actually hates each other? According to their ex body guard, TOTES! Do tell….

“The relationship is a total sham,” the source said. “They both have other people on the side. They only stay together for the kids and for the sake of continuing to build their empire.”

Oh so they’re just like any other married couple out there trying to survive and keep the romance alive with six children? Brad and Angelina are both visiting Bosnia this week, you know saving the world and all, while their ex employees spill all their secrets here in the US.

“Angelina nitpicks Brad — criticizing him constantly,” said the former bodyguard. “She says things like, ‘Are you going to wear that shirt again today?’ and tells him he’s like another one of the kids. She’ll call him from the set to interrogate him,” said the ex bodyguard. “His face goes white, and he just stares at his feet.”

Why do you and I secretly hope they’ll break up? Why are we such bitches? We should root for their perfect marriage and their perfect family to continue being so damn perfect.

Wait …were you just wishing that the kids will become little Lindsey Lohan’s when they hit their teen years?

I WAS TOO!

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Touch the spindle Jolie…TOUCH IT I SAY!

Dear Gods Of Hollywood, please let this latest rumor about Angelina Jolie playing Maleficent in Tim Burton’s new film true. I’ve been a very good gay and Sleeping Beauty is one of my all time favorites. The LA Times is reporting they heard some squeaks from The House Of Mouse that Tim Burton wants to continue his winning streak reimagining Disney classics. With Alice & Wonderland passing the 300 million mark domestically, both Jolie and Disney are buying in.

Earlier this week, the news broke that Disney had hired its longtime collaborator Linda Woolverton (“Beauty and the Beast,” “The Lion King”) to work on the screenplay for the live-action take on the 50-year-old hit. (Maleficent is the evil fairy godmother in the Disney film; this story would be told, “Wicked”-like, from her perspective.)

Both Tim Burton and Angelina Jolie had last spring been rumored to join the project, which Disney has been kicking around for a while as a way to mine its library, among other things. Burton’s involvement remains unclear as he contemplates several projects. But sources say that, as of the last few weeks, Jolie is keen on the film and would like to sign on to play the titular villain.- LA Times

Please…please..please….Hollywood Gods.

If you have a bad case on the Mondays, spend five minutes reliving your childhood by fearing Maleficent. We’re taking our niece and nephew to Legoland!

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Well… what do you think? Baby collector Angelina Jolie, has got that whole goth sex kitten thing going on minus the whip and hourly rate.

Loving the shiny nude lips with the heavy eye. The bangs are a bit blunt. Do we care what the movie is about? Well if you care…

Salt is an upcoming American thriller film directed by Phillip Noyce, written by Kurt Wimmer and Brian Helgeland, and starring Angelina Jolie as Evelyn Salt, accused of being a Russian sleeper spy…blah, blah, blah.

The earnings from this flick should afford her another baby. Good times.

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Here they are at a “private viewing” at the MOCA here in LA on Saturday night looking like perfect mannequins. (Also GaGa performed see below)

Being very rich both Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had commissioned pieces privately from Asprey of London. Being super rich and super famous they are now designing a line for the high end jeweler. The collection is made from gold and silver and the accessories are titled, ‘The Protector’ and inspired by the serpent. Who isn’t?

Angelina and Brad are far too famous to make a public statement about their collection for Asprey, so Jolie wrote an email:

“These are the children who most need a safe place to learn, a place to heal, a place to learn reconciliation, a place to build a better future and a place — to just be children. Yet the education for these children is often forgotten. Tens of millions of children and adolescents in conflict are not in school.”

The limited edition/ perfect Christmas gift collection will start at around $525 for a silver baby spoon with a curving, serpent-shaped handle, and all net proceeds from sales will go to Education Partnership for Children of Conflict, which was cofounded by Jolie.

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A: Brad Pitt got caught cheating, yeah right!

L: Who is it? Star? I bet it’s true.

A: You haven’t even heard the story yet.

L: Sure I did, he was being a whore.

A: It’s a slow news day so I want to believe this, and they slapped it on their cover so here it goes. Star Magazine is claiming Angie walked by the twins bedroom, only to find the man who left a woman for her, was now hitting on the nanny. Angie discovered Brad massaging her neck and flew into a crazy Angelina rage, which is nothing like your normal person rage.

Angie slapped Brad across the face and fired the nanny on the spot who I guess is now selling her story.

“She completely flipped out,” says the insider. “She got right in Brad’s face, screaming at the top of her lungs, and told the nanny to get out of her house and never come back!”

Now wait, a minute…didn’t I just see this scene play out on Desperate Actress Housewives with Too Many Children? This story oozes lies just so Star can sell some paper. They are fibbing, fibbing, FIBBING!

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A: Trying to be a normal family living as part of our world in New York, Angelina & Brad took the herd to see The Little Mermaid (on skates but looks like swimming) on Broadway. Judging from their faces as they were leaving it doesn’t seem like anyone liked it except Shiloh. I bet the performers sang better and danced sharper because the knew the Prom King & Queen were attending.

These kids are so cool they’re not even in bed at 9PM!

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Brad: When I started MIckey Rourke and Sean Penn were my idols so I’m honored.

A: AAAhh! They’re here omg they’re here!

Eva: She looks so boring, she wears that all the time.

A: Angelina’s showing that she doesn’t have to be dripping in jewels to look good, and she’s already won so this doesn’t even require a dress of color!

Bianca: Whatever they’re beautiful, I adore her green chandelier earrings.

(Now We’re watching TV GUIDE)

A: Lisa Rinna looks so fightening! Was she electrocuted?

B: JESUS CHRIST LISA! Her cheeks looks like she just got her molers taken out!

David: So much older looking!

Bianca: She put fat in her face or something!

L: OH Brad & Angie are RUNNING inside now, they must have seen Lisa’s hair

Lynn: Angelina’s Bored.

A: She doesn’t have to talk with those earrings.

Rebecca: She doesn’t want to be there.

David: She HAS to be there she’s nominated.

HOUR LATER NOW THE TWO QUEENS HAVE A SHOWDOWN AS JENNIFER PRESENTS FEET AWAY FROM ANGIE

A: Jennifer had Angelina smiling the whole time she was on her stage.

L: Then she ripped up that guys Oscar envelope and ran off.

A: Oh she’s back! Why is she acting so psycho? Oh she’s being funny.

Bianca: She’s coming across bitchy a bit and awkward.

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Angelina Jolie was spotted checking out an apartment in Washington Heights Tuesday – weeks after signing a lease on a multi-million dollar Long Island mansion with boyfriend Brad Pitt.

A: The Brangelina world tour is stopping off in New York City for now, which means they’ll never be able to escape those evil cameras that hunt daily for voyeurs like us.

Shiloh is so perfect you want to babysit her to find out all her faults just to prove she’s not an alien.

Zara on the other hand is already better at modeling than half the Top Model Hopefuls on cycle 89.

L: Alex is this just some lame posting just so you can publish pictures of her private life. They’re getting out of the car.

A: I never said it was shameless. I said she was shopping for a new place to live.

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A: A guest at the oh so affluent Dorchester Hotel, in London, wants to file a complaint about the most famous kids in the world.

L: Uh oh someone’s getting a spanking.

A: BLASPHEMY! Brad & Angie would never hit!

L: After renting the ENTIRE 3rd floor at a hotel where the average room costs 6,000 a night, the hotel still had to take complaints from guests about their child screams.

A: Apparently Maddox, Pax, Zahara, and two-year-old Shiloh don’t respect Nanny as much as Mommy. Brad & Angie left for the night and told the kids they could run up and down their entire floor.

L: That’s quite a sandbox.

“They were running up and down the hallway for over an hour.

“Their nanny tried to quieten them down and move them out the way when people came through.

“But she had her hands full with the four of them.”

A: Bitch please when you rent the whole third floor you can complain.

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