Angelina Jolie’s booty is being warmed by the gentle cusp of her husband, Brad Pitt’s warming hand. He clearly still enjoys all that his adoption happy wife has to offer. Here he is grabbing a handful of Jolie butt cheek while attending the World premiere of her and Johnny Depp’s new movie, ‘The Tourist‘ at the Ziegfeld Theatre in New York City.

Could it be that the Mother and Father team of Hollywood actually hates each other? According to their ex body guard, TOTES! Do tell….

“The relationship is a total sham,” the source said. “They both have other people on the side. They only stay together for the kids and for the sake of continuing to build their empire.”

Oh so they’re just like any other married couple out there trying to survive and keep the romance alive with six children? Brad and Angelina are both visiting Bosnia this week, you know saving the world and all, while their ex employees spill all their secrets here in the US.

“Angelina nitpicks Brad — criticizing him constantly,” said the former bodyguard. “She says things like, ‘Are you going to wear that shirt again today?’ and tells him he’s like another one of the kids. She’ll call him from the set to interrogate him,” said the ex bodyguard. “His face goes white, and he just stares at his feet.”

Why do you and I secretly hope they’ll break up? Why are we such bitches? We should root for their perfect marriage and their perfect family to continue being so damn perfect.

Wait …were you just wishing that the kids will become little Lindsey Lohan’s when they hit their teen years?

I WAS TOO!

Here they are at a “private viewing” at the MOCA here in LA on Saturday night looking like perfect mannequins. (Also GaGa performed see below)

Being very rich both Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had commissioned pieces privately from Asprey of London. Being super rich and super famous they are now designing a line for the high end jeweler. The collection is made from gold and silver and the accessories are titled, ‘The Protector’ and inspired by the serpent. Who isn’t?

Angelina and Brad are far too famous to make a public statement about their collection for Asprey, so Jolie wrote an email:

“These are the children who most need a safe place to learn, a place to heal, a place to learn reconciliation, a place to build a better future and a place — to just be children. Yet the education for these children is often forgotten. Tens of millions of children and adolescents in conflict are not in school.”

The limited edition/ perfect Christmas gift collection will start at around $525 for a silver baby spoon with a curving, serpent-shaped handle, and all net proceeds from sales will go to Education Partnership for Children of Conflict, which was cofounded by Jolie.

A: Brad Pitt got caught cheating, yeah right!

L: Who is it? Star? I bet it’s true.

A: You haven’t even heard the story yet.

L: Sure I did, he was being a whore.

A: It’s a slow news day so I want to believe this, and they slapped it on their cover so here it goes. Star Magazine is claiming Angie walked by the twins bedroom, only to find the man who left a woman for her, was now hitting on the nanny. Angie discovered Brad massaging her neck and flew into a crazy Angelina rage, which is nothing like your normal person rage.

Angie slapped Brad across the face and fired the nanny on the spot who I guess is now selling her story.

“She completely flipped out,” says the insider. “She got right in Brad’s face, screaming at the top of her lungs, and told the nanny to get out of her house and never come back!”

Now wait, a minute…didn’t I just see this scene play out on Desperate Actress Housewives with Too Many Children? This story oozes lies just so Star can sell some paper. They are fibbing, fibbing, FIBBING!