9:00 – Britney’s opening the show and talking a mile a minute with the microphone jammed in her face. Don’t be nervous girl we know, you know, you win.
9:07 – Uh we could totally be backup dancers for Rhianna, they’re all doing a bad version of the robot!
9:10 – Did Russel Brand just call Rhianna, REE-ANNA? Russel Brand convinces us he is famous somewhere, and then asked us to vote for Barack? If you’re not ready for a black president you’re a racist according to him.
9:11 – The VMA crowd does not understand political jokes, it’s not Comedy Central Russell. We feel bad he’s tanking a bit. Why is he screaming at me, is he high on drugs?
9:14 – Lynn’s texting on his phone and I’m wondering what I could eat.
9:15 Jaime Foxx came on stage, walked past Russel Brand and screams “Wake up! Wake up! Wake Up!”. Bad sign for Russell.
9:19 – Britney totally knew she was winning her for Best Female Video, hugs manager Larry Rudolph as planned, and Katy Perry looks pissed. Quick, cut to happy Britney!!
9:30 – The Jonas Brothers appeared on a quiet stoop with a tamborine and do Sesame Street, lets count! They’re so cute it’s like they’re singing just to us.. Are we falling for them finally after all this time of people trying to shove them down our throats? Growing on us…..growing on us….
9:32 – Oh God help us. Hoards of screaming teens just rushed the Jonas Brothers. Leave us alone. They were singing to us personally before you bitches got here.
9:40 Katy Perry singing over a track that’s as tired as a one piece bathing suit.
9:40 Michael Phelps is our modern day swimming Frankenstein.
9:42 Leona Lewis covering “Please Don’t Let Me Misunderstood” is magical, why doesn’t she do a whole album of torch songs? Lil’ Wayne makes us feel really really old, come on he does the same thing to you too. Stop pretending you know what he’s rapping.
9:46 – Hey remember when things actually happened at the VMA’s and you’d run into work just to talk about it around the coffee pot? Yeah….those were the days.
9:48 – Lindsay Lohan presented just for the gift bag, smart girl.
9:50 – The cast of The L Word just won for Best Dancing…oh wait no it’s the Pussy Cat Dolls.
Can you stand another hour? Click
Images Via: Gossip Girls & Popsugar
