Could Michael Jackson’s death get any more depressing?

Yes it CAN!

The Sun out of the UK got a hold of some desperate voicemail recordings of Michael pleading for money and trying to hide it in Swiss banks. Let’s hope the IRS doesn’t read the blogs because Michael sounds like he’s “been Bad, been bad, you know it, cha mo!” Even using code words like “Sun Screen” and
‘Swiss Bank”.

At first it was funny, you know, hearing someone as rich as Michael high on pills desperate for cash. Then it turns reeeeaaal dark!

“It is Michael. Ahh, it is 4:30 in the morning here that’s why I sound very sleepy (laughs) and I’m really worn out… but please check the message I left a day or so ago. I am very concerned. I don’t trust that man. We think he’s bad, we think he is Italian mafia. Please… we must be smarter than him. So please, help me with this. I need to get that, those funds so I can do that, I wanna be away. . . I don’t want to be in Neverland right now.”

In a separate message Jackson again seems to be seeking money urgently.

“If you get this message call me immediately at 805 *** ****. What I want to talk to you about is very top – top secret… I need a German or Swiss bank… ”

A little later Jackson calls again asking for cash to be put into an account. He appears to use a code word “Sun Screen” – possibly suggesting protection money.

“I am very embarrassed. But, um, there should be that I have some finance that’s coming up January, February 2nd, and um… that’s why I, we need to have on Sun Screen to the account 150. Please don’t be mad at me for… (inaudible) It’s something that’s very important to me and my family, because I’m (inaudible) that I’m being stalked and I think it is (name withheld).” -The Sun

I felt high just listening to it online .

A: Lynn, Mike, and I busted out our air conditioner, Wall-E, yesterday and sat in front of him while sticking to our leather couch during the heat wave. Meanwhile, Michael Jackson went antiquing in Beverly HIlls wearing his full armageddon garb including face mask and sweater in the record 96 degree heat.

Which means he’s gayer than we are, because even we won’t brave the musky stench of a second hand store in that kind of heat.

Not pictured: Michael’s big sack of candy and kid caravan/jail.

As if he wasn’t off putting enough, now Michael Jackson is treating Beverly Hills like Knott’s Scary Farm and frightening the adults and children while shopping.

Michael Jackson is the first white celebrity to convert to Islam at the age of 50, but the only problem is he keeps wearing the Arab female headdress. Notice the confused and aroused men in the picture.

Don’t call him Michael, or freaky, call him Mikaeel, his new Muslim name that was bestowed upon him during a ceremony in LA at the home of Steve Porcaro, who composed music on his Thriller album.

‘An imam was summoned from the mosque and Michael went through the shahada, which is the Muslim declaration of belief.’

Religion is always a desperate last attempt to find something to fill the whole that fame left, God, Allah, take your pick. People get old and scared, and repent for 50 years of “Allah only knows what” behind those Neverland doors.

Friends and family have been counseling Mikaeel to try and find religion and the singer ( who was raised as a Jehovah Witness) loved the dress so he thought, why not?

Take advice from Jermaine he has his life together!

‘When I came back from Mecca I got him a lot of books and he asked me lots of things about my religion and I told him that it’s peaceful and beautiful,’ said Friday, who embraced the faith in 1989.

‘He read everything and he was proud of me that I found something that would give me inner strength and peace.

Unfortunately, this religious meaning in life puts Michael even further away from his fans and a comeback.

Eeeek! Is that JOE JONAS in Vegas!

Oh wait, it seems that man is just a patient from the senior citizens home in pajamas again.

Don’t worry sir we’ll find your blank’y.

Oh really? You used to live in a magical place called Neverland. We’re sure you did. Come along now it’s time for your meds.

Experts in the UK have done Michael Jackson a huge favor. They’re showing the world what it would be like if he hadn’t spent millions on his Skeletor face.

They’ve digitally speed up time to show us what a normal Michael would look like today.

Here’s what you see now at the age of 50….

Here’s what he should look like!

OMG are they for reals? There’s no way he would ever go under the knife to turn himself into a black man. How is Jacko suppose to realize his dream of becoming Peter Pan, never growing up, and living with lost boys?

Rumor is Michael may be the surprise guest presenter or performer at the MTV VMA’s September 7th. So we’re all waiting on pins and needles for another Britney debacle.

Image Source: Daily Mail