A: Although their wedding is getting more coverage than God right now, Heidi & Spencer Pratt’s special day was a bust on celebrity turnouts. Sad but true, it seems all the stars in Hollywood didn’t RSVP since the guest list read much like the ending credits of The HIlls. Celebrity guests included, Lauren Cornard (even though she said she wouldn’t go), Audrina Partridge, Brody Jenner, Stephanie Pratt (sister), even good ol’ Kristen Cavallarie ( although many said she was there looking to see if The HIlls was hiring).

L: You’d think with their PR teams, and connections, they could have brought in more than a cast party.

A: Right? Maybe they wanted to make it an intimate family setting with photographers, cameras, and The Hills crew, on the fly interviews, you know, personable.

(Laughter)

L: Here’s the cast wedding party. Doesn’t this wedding show just how out of control our fascination with Spiedi is?

A: I feel like I’ve been trapped into going to my best GF’s wedding right out of high school so everyone from high school’s there, except for all the seniors who promised they’d be here!

L: Let’s just say, our next door neighbor got invited to their nuptials and even SHE didn’t show up.

A: Don’t say their name though. Spencer probably paid for their plate.

L: No he didn’t.

A: You’re right he didn’t. On a positive note Heidi was dripping in over 1 million in Neil Lane jewels, and the celebration looked right out of Hollywood movie. We wish them all the luck with their relationship once they AREN’T famous anymore. That’s the true test, not the Amazon during their run on “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.” To show his passionate love to Los Angeles once again, not Heidi, but to everyone else, Spencer made sure planes flew above to write it out in the clouds before their love dissipated into just another married couple.

L: Oh GAG me that’s the oldest one in the book. Try Fireworks those would get you noticed and are expensive.

A: Annoyingly perfect husband or pathetic PR choice? You decide.

L: That’s right you two…. it’s party time. Network gig!

In California you’re legally allowed to go to the pot store and buy weed just as you would if you were out of eggs. Although on April 3, just before closing time a celebrity couple dressed in hats and sunglasses entered the medicinal store on Fairfax and Santa Monica Blvd and the hills shook.

“It’s not like Heidi and Spencer seem sick or anything,” says a witness. “I can’t imagine why they would need to be there.”

Their rep — who did not deny they bought pot — says the couple were there for a Web-based reality show.

“They were definitely trying not to be noticed,” says the witness. “I guess they don’t want their fans to think they smoke!”

This is news to me! If I knew they were smokers it would actually bump up their cool points because right now they’re at a depressing -10! Spencer wants to be Governor one day, and doesn’t want resin to log up his political career, but on April 9th he posted picture online showing a giant bong sitting on the couple’s kitchen counter!

Now this? Just admit it.

A: You’d think after these Heidi & Spencer were paid $60,000 each per episode of The HIlls they’d dump a little of that cash back into her impossible music career. Instead of spending money to make money Heidi just basically starts lip synching in front of the paps for this pre-video “Look At How I’m Doing”. It’s her best song yet which means you won’t be able to listen longer than this 30 second preview.

L: OMG I hate it! Buy it for me now!

A: Are you kidding Lynn?

L: What the hell, I love it! I think she’s totally working it the right way. What’s $1.99?

A: I refuse I can’t believe you like it.

A: Squat bitch! Squuuaaaat!

L: Spencer please don’t hit me!

A: Ok WTH is going on?

L: Why are they even gracing Leno’s couch in his last weeks?

A: There’s got to be some kind of big announcement, they must have got their own show.

L: Are Heidi and Spencer here to stay? Maybe she’s pregnant?

A: Devil CHILD!

A: Just for the record we’ve been trying to set up an interview with these two and they are no where to be found. We should’ve been looking in the aisles of the 99 cent store, where we would’ve found the couple basking in their own photo opp!

You want cameras? We’ll call cameras for the interview!! We will get you a damn photo booth!

Heidi: How strange Heidi?
Spencer: What Spencer?
Heidi: These refrigerated goods expire on the same day as our careers!

A: Everyone knows you NEVER buy the refrigerated goods at the 99 cent store! Danger!