How was she not on the recent Forbes list?

I die! The scorned and humiliated ex of Tiger good with a golf club, bad with a wife Woods, Elin Nordegren scored a hole in one of a settlement… $750 million and she received custody of the kids. All Ellin has to do is not do press or ever speak publicly of the divorce scandal. She should have just rounded up and went for an even billion. I think a dollar for every skank he banged with his club is reasonable… and that would bring the balance to right near one billion dollars.

Why does Jim Carrey think that anyone cares what he has to say about the Tiger WoodsJenny McCarthy had to say about Tiger and Elin Nordegren sticky situation via his Twitter account:

“Tiger Woods owes nothing 2 anyone but himself. 2 please his father he gave up his childhood and his freedom in the world. That’s enough!—> No wife is blind enough to miss that much infidelity. Elin had 2 b a willing participant on the ride 4 whatever reason. kids/lifestyle ;^)”

“I want 2 make it CLEAR that I do not condone infidelity at all, but 2 some degree the responsibilty 4 it is shared by both people! ;^) In any event, infidelity has never been an issue 4 me. If I tried to keep a secret like that, I would grow a tumor and devil horns! }:^<-“

Poor Elin. I mean… I do see his point. You would have to blind. In the end it seems the adultry was all thrown in her face. Poor little rich girl.

Here is a Funny or Die video spoor of Tiger Wood’s Nike commercial.

I’m not sure if that statement is true…

So I guess this is Tiger Wood’s first campaign post sex scandal. How long do you think it will be before Tiger’s law dogs come barking and snarling after PETA? This image of Tiger is being used without Tiger’s consent. His wife must be getting a good laugh at this… although I am sure this situation is still not funny to her… but to us is totes is!

n the ad, which will run on billboards, PETA feature a picture of Woods and the message, “Too much sex can be a bad thing….for little tigers too. Help keep cats (and dogs) out of trouble: Always Spay and neuter.”

PETA hopes to run the ads on various sites, including those near to Tiger’s Windermere, FL, home!

Not surprisingly PETA say that Woods has not endorsed the ads, going on to explain though that the image and idea were “too good to pass up.”

PETA’s Executive Vice President Daphna Nachminovitch says, “The millions of cats and dogs born each year in this country without good homes to go to don’t make tabloid headlines, but their suffering is 100 percent real.”

Is Tiger neutered? Clearly not, or he would be much better behaved. I bet he isn’t potty trained.

Tiger broke his silence today while the entire world held their breath for something important to come out of his mouth. Looking like a humble politician, Tiger read his speech to us like an eight grader reading a book report in class. Promising he’ll never make the same mistakes and let it get out again. Every weighted confession, every emotional apology, was undermined by the fact that he could barely keep eye contact with the camera. Tiger’s too busy sounding out the big letters and making sure he pauses on the really sad parts, to make his speech seem as deep as the golf holes that made him famous. Here’s a RAG MAG summary:

Good morning. Many of you in this room are my friends. Many of you have cheered for me, worked with me, or supoorted me.(look down)….I’m deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior (look down) People want to know how I could’ve done these things (look down) . There are some things I want to say (look down)…..What we say to each other will remain between the two of us (look down). I have let you down and I have let down my fans (look down) A personal dissapointment (look down).Our work (look down) is more important than ever (look down).

For all that I have done…(look in camera puppy eyes eyes) I’m sorry. I convinced myself that normal rules didn’t apply (look down). It’s not what you achieve in life that matter’s it’s what you overcome. Character and decency is what really counts.

UGh how gross was it when he lashed out at the media and ended the speech by thanking people like he was getting an award?

You know Buddhism taught Tiger to fight impulses, but when he became a millionaire Tiger started listening to his penis instead of chanting. He plans on dusting off his religion, pulling it down from the shelf, and putting his box of condoms in their place. Oh wait he didn’t use condoms. Hmmmm.

I hope someday Tiger can return to his role model status, but after his dry robot apology, I doubt he won public opinion back.

Sucking it in as much as some of those low rent home wreckers he frequented, Tiger Woods oils up with the fluids of former lovers for the perfectly timed cover. Vanity Fair is going to be selling some serious subscriptions with an exclusive cover story done before we all knew what a repulsive ball master Tiger Woods was… and is.

As if man whore of the decade, Tiger Woods’ sex scandal couldn’t get any worse… it is now being reported that someone has approached the porn film company Vivid Entertainment with what a video of stick grabbing Tiger Woods having sex.

Vivid co-CEO Steven Hirsch says

“… we saw maybe 30 seconds of it… we’re still working to identify if it’s really him… We’ll know soon, that’s for sure. I’d like to work with Tiger to put it out.”

VF accompanies the pictures with an article telling of Tiger’s demise and includes the author referring to Woods as a:

“sex addict”.

Woods said during the tape recorded interview:

“What I can’t figure out is why so many good-looking women hang around baseball and basketball. Is it because, you know, people always say that, like, black guys have big dicks?”

Bissinger, the author of the VF article also writes that during a photo shoot:

“where four women attended to his every need and flirted with him as he flirted back” — Woods told a joke. He rubbed the tips of his shoes together and then asked the women, “What’s this?” Woods then replied. “It’s a black guy taking off his condom.”

Although I do find that last joke that he made to be very funny, I still think he sucks.

The worst husband in the World, Tiger Woods‘ wife was photographed… not wearing her wedding ring… while driving her kids to a school Christmas party in Florida on Saturday. I love that Elin Nordegren is smiling in this photo. That’s right girl, be strong and start spending money.

It’s official. Tiger Woods’ life has come crashing in around him… weighted down by low rent rendezvous with every ho coast to coast. He released this statement via his website… he probably uses that site to cruise chicks:

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.

I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding.

What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.

After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.

Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.

I bet you want some privacy. I imagine ladies will be coming forward for months and telling the tawdry tales of your infidelity.

The end of the endorsement era for Penicillin needing Tiger Woods is near, as is his marriage and celebrity life. I could not be more pleased to tell you Ragmagers that Gatorade is terminating their relationship with wife humiliator and compulsive leg humper, Tiger Woods.

The official statement from the company:

“We decided several months ago to discontinue Gatorade Tiger Focus along with some other products to make room for our planned series of innovative products in 2010. We hope to share more about our 2010 plans soon.”

Does anyone really use Gatorade for sports… is that a real thing? I thought it was just for hangovers. On that note… Gatorade has tons of citric acid so when I hydrate on Saturday mornings I get heartburn… so now I drink Smartwater. It totes works way better.